How to make fake sourdough

A truly no-knead, no mess, no stress loaf that makes itself while you're asleep or at work. What's not to love?

I really dithered about putting ‘sourdough’ in the title of this newsletter. Sourdough is so uncool now, isn’t it? I mean, people who bang on about making it have been replaced - at least in my algorithms - by people banging on about protein shakes and egg white porridge. Don’t even start me on the chocolate mousses that seem to contain a lot of cottage cheese and no chocolate. All these things - generally served by people in activewear - are the opposite of a nice thick slice of bread.

I don’t actually mind if bread is uncool, because I’ve been here before. I’ve been making it for years, especially in times when I wasn’t making much other dough. There have been plenty of highs in that time - Instagrammable sourdough loaves, dozens of hot cross buns, bagels and wreaths. But I’ve made plenty of duds too; bread burnt to a house-threatening cinder, loaves that could double as deadly weapons à la Marcus and the duck in About A Boy.

In 2018 I put this sourdough loaf in the oven and stormed off to work in a huff. I remembered it at lunchtime… which is when I raced home to discover these burnt remains.

When we went to South Korea my sourdough starter packed a massive sulk that it still hasn’t properly shaken off. As a result, I’ve made three absolute sinkers of loaves this week that have done nothing for my confidence. If I didn’t fear for the drains (haven’t Wellington’s pipes suffered enough?) I would have poured the whole thing down the sink.

I was feeling a bit despondent about losing my knack when I remembered a loaf I used to make in my pre-sourdough days. This bread has a tangy, sour flavour and a crusty exterior. It requires minimal handling - zero kneading, no fancy shaping - and its schedule can be manipulated to suit your life, not the other way around. Want to have a crack? Here’s how.

No-knead yoghurt bread (aka Fake Sourdough)

Prep time: 10 minutes, plus all-day or overnight rising and 1-2 hours proving time

Cooking time: 50-60 minutes

Makes 1 large loaf

There are lots of reasons to love this loaf - it’s very simple to make and it uses up that last bit of yoghurt lurking in the bottom of the tub. Eating it this morning, my daughter said happily, “ahhh, white sourdough”.

3 cups high grade flour, plus a little extra for shaping

1/2 cup wholemeal flour

½ tsp dried yeast

1 ½ tsp salt

1 cup plain yoghurt (if you don’t have quite enough yoghurt, add more water or milk)

1 cup warm-ish water

Put all the ingredients in a large bowl and mix to a sticky dough. Cover tightly and leave at room temperature for 12-14 hours.

Lay a piece of baking paper on the bench and scatter a handful of flour on top. Tip the dough onto this, flattening slightly with your hands. Fold into thirds, then turn and fold into thirds again. Shape into a ball, with any ‘seam’ underneath. Wash and dry the mixing bowl and invert it over the ball of dough. Leave it to rise until nearly doubled in size (about an hour, depending on how warm your house is).

While the dough is rising, heat the oven to 200C. Put a large, heavy pot with a lid (like a Le Creuset or similar - I have a 15-year-old fake Le Creuset that’s probably the most useful thing I own) in the oven to heat up.

When the dough has risen, carefully take the heavy pot from the oven. Lift the dough into the pot (use the baking paper to help). Dust the top with flour, then cover with the lid and return to the oven. Bake for 30 minutes, then remove the lid and cook for another 20 minutes until the loaf is dark golden brown and the bottom sounds hollow when tapped. Remove to a rack to cool completely before slicing.

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Good Things

Kelly McDonald and Takehiro Hira in Giri/Haji. Image: Netflix

Giri/Haji

With much glee I’ve found a new (to me) crime drama to binge: Giri/Haji. Kelly McDonald (yes, the therapist from Dept. Q) is a London detective exiled to teaching crime solving courses after dobbing in a bad egg colleague. Kenzo Mori (Takehiro Hira) is a Tokyo detective dispatched to London on the trail of his bad egg brother Yuto, who was thought to be dead but appears to be entangled in some bad business with gangsters. The story unfolds backwards and forwards in time between London and Tokyo, and it’s beautifully shot. Lucy Mangan described it as “a bore”, but I’m deeply enjoying it. My friend Claire has a theory that middle-aged women love violence on telly and in the movies because it satisfies our latent rage. Is this true? I don’t think I’m watching for tips on how to become a yakuza assassin, but in this job market it’s probably not a bad option.

Can’t beat it on a good day, etc. Image: João Marcelo Martins for Unsplash

Wellington, on a plate

The capital’s (in)famous food festival kicks off at the end of the week, hopefully to the good of the region’s hospitality businesses. I don’t have any hot tips about events to go to or burgers to eat (though odds are good that two-time winner One80 restaurant will be a strong contender for the burger competition), but I’m sure about one thing:

Two Bear Sandwich Club

serves up the very best food writing about Wellington. This piece about KC Cafe is one of my favourites, but there are many more to devour.

KC Cafe

Josh Emett’s Beef Burritos

Chef Josh Emett is famous for many things, including a crayfish eclair that makes Auckland’s beau monde swoon. My current absolute favourite of his recipes though is these beef and rice burritos. This is such a clever idea that’s very customisable to whatever you have lurking in in the fridge - and really handy for nights when everyone in your house needs to eat at a different time.

Next time on Fancy Butter… ideas for Sunday lunch.